I can’t sleep cuz lately I’ve been in silence and the sound of my fingers pressing the keys of my computer is stucked in my head like an old song that claims my attention…
And I’m paying attention. But the words won’t come out. My mind is a blank space.
I am deleting every single letter I’ve typed in my computer and rewriting it again in order to feel as if I was writing something worth reading. But I’m not.
I remember typewriting on the writting machine of my grandad when I was a little girl and dreaming about writing books: One day, when I’m good enough, I’ll write my own book I’d say… and I kept writing journals and stories that now are buried in 0 and 1 dimensions of computers I no longer belong.
To be honest, that’s what I’ve been telling myself for forever (eventually, when you are good at it, you’ll be able to do it) and it looks as if I could never reach the right perfection to write a book or to put my creativity out there, cuz I’ll never be good enough in my head.
For better or for worse I’m imperfectly human.
And I keep waiting for something imprecise. I’m waiting to be finished, to be the person I dreamed I’d be at my age. But that’s never gonna happen, I’ll keep evolving and I’ll never be completely finished… not until death (but I don’t want to die). We are all in constant change and will always be, so we need to be the best version of ourselves today, here and now, because tomorrow… tomorrow doesn’t exist yet.
So, this new year I promised myself to learn to make imperfect -perfect- stuff, that’s what we all do anyways.
So I want to write more (that’s what makes me happy).
And I want to take film pictures (the ones that keep the memories inside).
And I want to read more books and take more time to get inspired.
And I want to give more presents. And be more present as well.
At this very moment I believe that this adventure in Australia is being an instrospective journey rather than a crazy travelling one. I’ve been realizing a lot of things that I need to process in my head in order to take something useful out of them. Until then, hope you have a wonderful year full of dreams and joy. Make sure to surround yourself with love and creativity and don’t forget to take a lot of pictures along the way.