Sydney Diary | 2 am

1 December 2016

It’s 2 am and I’m still awake trying to gather my thoughts on a piece of paper. I always find it easier -and therapeutic- to write at night. Usually my good ideas come right after I turned off the light so there’s no way I’m gonna turn it on again to write them down -too lazy for that- and so I forget about what I was thinking. And I promise it was important, or at least it was something original… but idk I end up getting asleep and convinced that in the morning I’ll remember again (I never do).

Today I got up early to the sun rise. In Australia the sun comes out sooner for some weird cosmic reason, and it always takes me by surprise… there’s also an annoying man who likes to wake me up every single morning to the sound noise of the lawn mower and ofc the birds screaming out loud all the time, so there’s no point in trying to sleep in the mornings.

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I was walking as a zombie to the bathroom when I looked out of the corner of my eyes to see the orange golden light coming through the ocean. I opened the window to let the soft breeze of the windy morning caress my cheeks and stayed there for a while, unable to think of anything but just staring at the horizon and went back to bed feeling lighter under the softness of the blanket.

Woke up two hours later to that annoying sound noise and felt every bone hurt under my skin. I usually walk to work (nah, always actually), it’s one hour from home, but that’s better than paying the expensive bus (and it counts as a workout so I kill two birds with a stone). I walked with my music on. I’m starting to get sick of the same old songs. I think when I was ten downloading music was kinda easier, but maybe I’m just not cool anymore… either way, I’m too lazy to put more music on my phone, so still singing to that same old songs!

As I walked I tried ro reflect. I started by feeling great and reminding myself how good I am doing alone by myself at the other end of the world but these thoughts got corrupted by the always-in-my-mind-stupid-(but inevitable)-thoughts such as “Wtf am I actually doing here?” Which is fine, that was part of the deal, I came here to know myself better even tho sometimes I lose myself a bit more.

I kept walking to work. It may have seemed I walked in silence but my mind was bursting of thoughts while my neurons swayed with my dreams beneath the cabled streets of Sydney.

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The streets were empty, as usual, and that made me feel quite hollow. But the minute I saw the ocean I felt better, recomforted by the sound of the waves crushing against the shore, I guess the horizon looked the same as at home.

I worked for what it felt like forever. Grabed my orange, pineapple, carrot and passion fruit juice and walked back home re-doing that same silent road painted with the colours of down. I was tired but with the feeling I’d been productive. I felt safe and independent and capable of anything. I’m still surprised of how strong I am, physically and mentally. I breathed the freedom of the air and felt the pain on my legs, but kept walking cuz I like the afternoon cold wind and the golden rays of the sun that reflect in the ocean at Coogee and paint the clouds with pastel colours.

When I got home some of the girls were talking on the sofa while watching Food Network and some others were already asleep. As a good spaniard I had my dinner at ten and watched some series before going to sleep.

Now my eyes are closing and my hands are writing slower as I’m getting asleep in the comfyness of a bed I’ve learned to call home.

 Anna

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